The Great (im)Balance
"Hey! It's me. Can you hear me?"
I have two sides to myself: a logical and an intuitive one.
For the most part, the logical one is at the wheel, guiding me through every decision and scenario of my life. And sometimes, when I least expect it, the intuitive side will take control and lead me down roads that I could not have otherwise.
They both have their own roles.
My logical side keeps me in the lane.
My intuitive side takes me down new roads.
There are times when the intuitive side will show itself and force my hand to create something truly magnificent and timeless. Such was the case with Curiosity @ Illinois.
To this day, I still don’t know how I got the vision of what I wanted the website to look like. It was the first week of the semester on a gloomy evening in a conference room in the Computer Science building. It had been 3 days since we had started working on this website and we were close to finishing it. After the functionalities had been figured out, it was time for me to give the website its unique look.
I wanted it to look and feel different. I wanted it to be an experience for anyone who came to this website. I wanted it to be friendly and inviting. Simple, yet elegant.
And when I closed my eyes, this is what I saw:
And I immediately knew this was it.
I got to work and perfectly replicated what I had pictured in my head.
Every time I look at it, it gives me a sense of timelessness, satisfaction, and disbelief. Disbelief that I designed it, which is why it will stand to be one of my proudest creations and designs so far.
I see glimpses of the intuitive side again when I am designing the thumbnails for the episodes of The UIUC Talkshow.
In the moment, they all start to blend into each other, but what I end up with sometimes, is something that even leaves me spellbound. It is so beautiful to look at that I can’t comprehend where it came from. I get these sudden flashes/images in my head and then I try to create them using what’s available to me. I cannot explain it, but when it happens, it leaves me in a state of trance—energized and excited.
It is a journey of constant iteration.
For example, these are all the iterations that a thumbnail went through before I ended up with something that I liked.
Similarly, this is the design board for Episode #45
Sometimes when I start, I do not know where I might end up1. So I just listen to what my mind has to say and trust that it will take me down the right path.
Following My Intuition
I want to channel more of that intuitive and creative side in my everyday life. I feel like I haven’t quite figured out how to let that chest wide open and reveal itself in all its beauty. It has only ever given spontaneous, occasional glimpses.
But why is it that I have gotten so used to these occasional bouts of inspiration and not tried to make it an integral part of how I live and think? What if I could train my mind to balance its two sides—logic and intuition? Make logic the driver and intuition the navigator?
Lately, I have been feeling that I have been doing an injustice to my creative side, shunning it in the back of my mind and not allowing it to fully express itself. I have self-imposed mental barriers that prevent it from fully showing and expressing itself.
It always goes through this filter of logic and social conformation that weakens it by the time it comes out. I feel like a parent who is suppressing their kid to always be on their best behavior and not do anything crazy or out of the ordinary. And I think that it is only harming me and my work.
I want to be able to unapologetically express myself.
I want to see what I can envision and create when I let my creative side free. When instead of having it in the backseat, I put it in the front seat and let it drive my car. It is a hidden voice that I have only selectively been paying attention to.
There will always be an imbalance as long as I have not learned how to make my two sides work in tandem. One will always exert a greater pulling force than the other. And I want to change that.
I need to train my mind to be comfortable going to places it has not been in before and explore the full expanse of what it has to offer.
Becoming The Hulk
A good analogy to how I’m feeling is like the Hulk.
The inner Hulk is my creative side.
Most days, I am Bruce Banner, a normal, logical, smart scientist.
And other times, I am the Hulk.
While I have not yet learned to channel it on demand, I know that he is in there, waiting to be unleashed.
And I am trying to get at is a stage which combines the best of both worlds.
A synergy, if you will, between the creative and logical side of my brain.
There have been times when they’ve both come together to create something truly wonderful, but most times, it has been out of my control.
This is reflected in my life’s goal for the past couple of years as well, in my pursuit to combine Art (creative) and Engineering (technical)2.
And I’m realizing that it all fundamentally boils down to this.
My whole life has been about finding a balance between the two. Finding a way to make them work with each other, rather than against. Historically, the technical side has taken precedence, but now I’m starting to realize the potential of the creative one.
And I want to give it a seat at the table.
My life’s greatest work will lie at the precipice of their interaction. It is when I learn to work with both of them, that I will be able to create some of my most influential work.
In every superhero movie, they go through a period of training where they learn to hone their skills and use them to their advantage (Think of X-Men3). I need to go through a similar process of getting comfortable with my skills and learning how to fully actualize them and use them to my advantage.
I need to recalibrate and restructure my sanctum sanctorum, and learn how to harness my greatest skills.
It is time to undergo my superhero training and master the craft of following my Intuition.
Time to let go of the flying harness and just take the leap of faith. Be unafraid to make mistakes or even embarrass myself in the process.
You can say, it is time to become Aarya-man 🦸🏻♂️
The Inner Voice
I believe that all of us have a voice inside of us that we are suppressing. Maybe it is because it is unconventional, something that distracts us from what we are doing, or deviates us from what we are “supposed to be doing”.
Find that inner voice and listen to what its trying to tell you.
Ask yourself, “Why have I been suppressing this? What does it mean to me?”
And start making your way towards it.
Nourish it, take care of it, because the greatest disservice that you can do to yourself is ignoring it.
Don’t cage the bird that lies within you. Let it fly, let it free.
See you on the other side,
Aaryaman 🐦🔥
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Or as Michael Scott puts it, “The Art of Improversation”
“Now, if you want to beat me this time, you have to set the beast free”
"I want to be able to unapologetically express myself."
YAASS KING!!!!
"While I have not yet learned to channel it on demand, I know that he is in there, waiting to be unleashed." HE IS, let him come out now!!!
ANOTHER MIC DROP LINE!!!
"You can say, it is time to become Aarya-man 🦸🏻♂️"
"Don’t cage the bird that lies within you. Let it fly, let it free."
Lots of good inspiring lines, please add to your future screenplays. Thanks.
Your post reminded me of this video that I saw recently: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMZRFhDscq8
You have to spend time by yourself and let the negative voices come to the surface and make themselves heard. Bad habits are an attempt to distract ourselves from these negative voices--we indulge in them at the expense of our self-knowledge.